Do you ever feel like there are so many thoughts swirling around in your head that you need to grab a rope and lasso one in order to pull it out of the jumble so you can examine it? Some mornings, I wake up and have total clarity on what I want to write about. But other mornings, I sit down in front of my computer with a cup of hot coffee at my right, my fingers poised above the keys and wait. Ideas begin to percolate, each one trying to form into the bubble of a coherent thought. Most pop and dissipate. Keenly aware of the ticking clock- I have "real" work to do- I try to relax and enjoy this moment before I have to choose. Right at this moment, there are infinite possibilities. Which fragment of a thought will form into an idea that will become something that is worthy of sharing?
I think about who might read my words. What would make them smile? Or laugh? Or connect with? Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. The thought that keeps pushing to the front has nothing to do with design. I keep pushing it aside, telling it "no". But behind this sliver of an idea, there is just a jumble of to do's: take Ryelee for a walk; get estimates for two clients; go look at a new project on the beach; select and price some furniture for a client. Nothing there worth exploring.
Alright, I say to this small but persistent little thought. I will take you out and look at you and see what you are. The thought is that I need to create some space in my day to just be. Give myself permission to slow down. Permission to play, laugh and dream. Feel the air as it pulls in through my nostrils and fills my lungs. Exhale and let my shoulders drop. Forget for a few minutes what I should do. Where I should be. Who I think I should be. This thought is becoming bolder. It is telling me that I need to let go of the false illusion that I am in control of anything. So, why not enjoy the ride? Roll the window down, feel the sun warming my face, the wind blowing my hair back. Open my eyes to what is all around me right this very minute. Stop and smile, be thankful for my life. And stop trying so hard. If I happen to run into you today somewhere, I won't be so rushed. I will mean it when I ask how you are. Because today I give myself permission to be who I am -human.